Forgiven
by Future Miss CSI60
Summary: The walls had been closing around them for nearly twelve years...and tonight...the walls had finally closed around them.


**Title:** Forgiven

**Author:** Chella Belle

**Rating:** PG possible PG-13…just because they cuss.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters, the song, the car, or the setting.

**Summary:** Two of our beloved characters get into a fight. Songfic to Forgive Me by Evanescence. I know, I know…my songfics are angst-y…--shrugs--

**A/N:** Alright, I deleted this a while ago for my own reasons (as well as all my otehr songfics), but I'm caving and reposting them. The song lyrics, which again, I don't own, are displayed like so; _**blah blah blah**._ The lyrics are what he is listening to in the car, while thinking back and reflecting. So…the flashback of the fight is in italicize and the lyrics are in italicizes and bold. And you don't know who the fight is between or what about right away but it's explained as you go.And just FYI, this is set after season 6…way after. This is around the year 2008 or 2009.

**Forgiven **

"Well Fine! Leave then!" She screamed in vehemence.

"I'm already gone!" He retorted harshly as he stormed out the door. He ascended into his Tahoe and slammed the door with all his capacity. He didn't even bother to fasten his seat belt as he drove off, down the road.

They had been fighting for a while. Practically since the day they had gotten married. They weren't happy. This caused the lab to fall apart. They slipped to number six in the country…**six**!

This put more stress on their marriage because he was always at the lab trying to help pull them back up.

He switched on the radio and tried to find a song to convey him away from his poignant condition.

There was utter zilch on the radio. Every station was commercials and advertisements. "Come on! Play some God Damn music!" He growled through gritted teeth. He sighed and turned to the last station on his auto dial.

"Hey everybody thanks for joinin us at KW105.4, just sit back, relax, and let our music sooth you." The DJ's Zen like voice commanded. The beginning tunes to an unfamiliar song began to gently fill the Tahoe as the events of his fight with his wife came crashing back around him. The walls had been closing in for nine years…since the day he brought her to the lab.

The walls had been closing in since Gilbert Grissom turned around at the sound of the voice of Sara Sidle. And tonight…

The walls finally closed in for Gil and Sara Grissom.

**/-/ Flashback /-/ **

"_You jerk!" Sara yelled and picked up the first object she could find and blindly hurled it across the room at the man who was causing her so much pain. A vase soared towards his head, and missed by half an inch. It struck the wall, and shattered instantaneously. _

"_What the Hell?" Grissom screamed in disbelief _

"_Shut up!" _

"_What? You gonna yell at me more? News flash Sara dearest, it isn't working!" _

"_Ha! Working! That's funny. You know Gil, you being married to your job is what started this stupid fight that we have every night!" _

"_No, we were doomed from the beginning." _

"_Then why the Hell did you marry me?"_

"_You know I've been regretting that every day since we committed that awful sin." _

"_Oh wow! The robot actually feels something!" Sara yelled in mock-amazement. He glared narrowed his gaze on her. _

"_I feel."_

"_No you don't! You'd rather go around saying screw the world because that's better than truly taking a chance on feeling something and experiencing the best thing that could have ever happened to you!" _

"_You're saying you're the best thing that ever happened to me? If that were true we wouldn't be miserable!" _

"_We're miserable because I got tired of trying! I tried for years to win your affection, then your heart, then your ring, then your attention! I just can't win can I Gil!" _

"_No, we're miserable because you're following in your crazy mother's footsteps! What Sara? Are you gonna take out a knife and stab me too!" Grissom screamed and immediately lamented it. _

_**Can you forgive me again? **_

_He saw her jaw drop and the air purge from within her…as if he had punched her in the gut. _

_**I don't know what I said, **_

_He saw her normally beautiful features harden in anger and pain. He wanted to make it go away. He had to make it go away. "Sara, I-" _

_**But I didn't mean to hurt you.**_

"_Get out." She stated firmly through gritted teeth. _

"_Sara I'm so-" _

_**I heard the words come out. **_

"_Go! Leave now! Get out!" She pointed at the door and Grissom looked at it helplessly. He walked to the door but stopped and looked at the world outside their Hell. His ears were _**_bombinate_**_ from the screaming and crying and smashing objects…but he heard her sniffle. _

_Did she regret her yells?_

_**I felt that I would die.**_

_Did she regret those words she had said? _

_Or had it just hit her what he had said? _

_**It hurt so much to hurt you.**_

"_I'm so sorry Sara." _

"_How could you!" _

_He turned back around to see her slumped shoulders and tear-stained face. _

_**Then you look at me,**_

"_I-" He began but was cut off by another hurling object, this time at his chest. _

_**You're not shouting anymore,**_

_Though smaller, this object hurt more than any object or word she could have thrown his way…_

_**You're silently broken. **_

…_It was her wedding ring. _

_He dropped his jaw and looked up at her in shock. "Sara-"_

_**I'd give anything now, **_

_She didn't say anything…only shook her head and let the tears fall. _

_**To kill those words for you. **_

_Grissom stepped towards her. "Sara…I'm sorry…please." _

_She shook her head as her face became distorted with tears and pain. _

"_Sara…I can't loose you…please." _

_**Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."**_

_She looked up and met his gaze. "No…you hurt me Grissom." The use of his last name cut through him. It showed detachment. The one thing she had to fake and ache for, for so many years was finally the first thing she felt for her husband…detachment. "Get out."_

_The iciness of her tone sent a chill up his spine. He solemnly turned and walk out of the door…out of their Hell…and back into his…to face alone. _

**/-/ Flashback /-/ **

Grissom knew this couldn't be it…it just couldn't be. All the years of their marriage were gone…all he had was memories…bittersweet memories. This just couldn't be it. "This can't be it…it can't be done."

_**But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.**_

They had been through so much…and worked it out. They had done it because they thought alike…they were alike. Even before 'I do' they were connected…they were always one. Like the pieces of a puzzle…they were a perfect match.

_**'Cause you were made for me.**_

He couldn't give up.

_**Somehow I'll make you see, **_

Without her he wasn't right.

_**How happy you make me.**_

He couldn't function.

_**I can't live this life,**_

He couldn't live.

_**Without you by my side.**_

He couldn't be 'him'.

_**I need you to survive.**_

This couldn't be over…then he'd be over.

_**So stay with me.**_

She had seen how sorry he was. He would do anything it took to keep her with him. She had to know that he didn't mean what he had said. Thinking about it now he couldn't believe himself…he didn't deserve her. She deserved better…so much better.

But he couldn't live without her.

She had to know that…just like she had to know he was sorry.

No way could he express how sorry he was…but he'd be damned if he wasn't going to try…even if it killed him. If it took everything he had, he would show her his sorrow.

And with that he found himself in their drive way. He tried to remember how he'd gotten here. Shaking away the thought he climbed out of the car and walked to their door…or what he'd hoped was still 'their' door.

He pushed it open and walked inside.

It was silent.

"Sara?" He called out.

There was no answer.

He walked through the house and into the living room. He saw the broken vase and ripped pillows. He continued walking and saw the house was a mess. It appeared that Sara had trashed it once he had left. He walked through the hall leading to their bedroom. Their door was ajar and he could hear sobbing.

He felt his heart break.

"Sara?" He called out and pushed open the door. Their room seemed bigger than he remembered. Kind of ironic considering the walls around them had finally closed in.

He began walking closer to the king size bed that she laid on. He stepped on something, broken glass. He bent down and saw their framed wedding picture had been thrown to the floor and the glass had been shattered from him stepping on it. He just hoped his marriage wouldn't end up the same way…ultimately broken…because of him.

He heard her shift positions and he looked up to see her sitting up and glaring at his hunched form. That was good. At least she was acknowledging him and displaying emotion…even if it was hate.

"Sara…I'm sorry."

She didn't answer.

"I wasn't thinking…I was just angry."

No answer.

"Sara please talk to me."

Still no answer.

"Sara, we have to talk if we're going to save our marriage."

"What marriage?" She asked.

Good…at least she was talking to him.

"There's nothing worth saving…there's nothing to save."

"Yes there is." He insisted and sat on the bed next to her. She eyed him skeptically but didn't move away. "Sara, after I left…I drove around for a while and thought about what happened. I regretted everything I said to you."

"You said that."

"No, every hurtful word I've said over the past nine years…since I first brought you to Vegas. Every time I rejected you, or didn't praise you like you deserved. Every time I ignored the signs that we were meant to be. Every time I embarrassed you, or belittled you, or berated you because I couldn't truly express my feelings."

"Are you saying the Hell I've been living in for the past nine years, including the time we've been married, was because you couldn't express your feelings to me?"

"No…" He scooted closer. "I'm saying you've been living in Hell because you deserve so much better than me. It would take everything I have and more to express how much you mean to me…" He scooted closer. "But I'm not giving up…because I know I can make you happy."

Sara paused a minuet to gather what he'd said. "But you said you don't deserve me."

"I don't…but I can't live without you. I can't breathe without you. I can't think, I can't sleep, and I can't function if you're not with me. I have to be with you to live…to be me. Before you I was a whole different person…I've changed so much. And I know that's because of you and the effect you have on me. I know I don't deserve you…but I need you…and I'm not afraid to admit that anymore."

She paused and looked him in the eye seeing past his exterior and into his soul. "What you said hurt."

Grissom dropped his head guiltily and nodded. "I know…I know. But you have to know that I would do anything I can to go erase what I've said to you. To erase the pain I've made you feel."

She sniffled. "If you want to erase the pain you've made me feel…there's nothing left. Nothing left to feel." She replied and stood up and walked into their master bathroom. "There aren't any memories left." She said softly.

Grissom kept facing at their window with his back to her. He sat there for a few minuets as she stood at their sink and looked at her tired reflection in the mirror. "Then I'll make new memories." He stood up and turned to face her back. "I'll make new memories." He began to walk towards the bathroom. "I'll start over and rewrite the past nine years."

She turned to face him and looked at him like he was crazy, "What?"

"I'll undo every wrong I've ever done to you by redo-ing it all."

She shook her head. "You mean you're gonna build a time machine, go back in time and undo everything?"

"It's molecularly impossible…but worth a shot." He joked dryly. She laughed with sarcasm. "Seriously, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to undo the past by re-creating every time I've hurt you."

"Gil that would take a long time."

The use of his first name sent adrenaline coursing through his body. "It'll be worth it."

_**You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.**_

"Gil-"

"Sara please…let me do this for you…forgive me and let me do this."

She looked at him…inside him for the longest time. She finally opened her mouth to speak.

"…Okay."

_**And you forgive me again,**_

Grissom smiled and pulled her into his arms.

_**You're my one true friend.**_

She knew he was sorry and she was going to let him prove it.

_**And I never meant to hurt you.**_

**A/N: **Alright, so looking back on the story…it was supposed to be a one shot, but I kinda got carried away and just flew with it. Should I make this a chapter book and let ya'll know how he proves it? R&R SOON AND LET ME KNOW! Otherwise I'll be forced to leave it at this.


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